Someone requested that I write something new. Now there's a bonk on the head. Didn't think anyone was really stopping by here, nor my blithering be something sought after (weird sentence but go with it -literary license and all). But perhaps I ascribe too much to a simple request.
More on the death theme, 'cause it's a jolly time o' year to contemplate our demise on the eve of a birth (or so the religious right would have us believe), and the overuse of apostrophes''''''''''. The parents of someone very close to me were killed, yes both of them, by a drunk driver. A mere mile from their home.* Went to the memorial which was attended by scads, nay pantloads, of folks. The flattery was astounding, and the lauds were thick.
In response, I've told friends, family, whomever will listen, that I do NOT want this sort of drivel when I die/pass on/pass out/snuff it/become/go all limpy/commune with the aliens. All this flummery and rattling on and on about what a delightful and amazing person I was during my life. How I affected the lives of so many. Nope, not me. If you couldn't say that stuff about/to me when I was alive then you are just lying, right there on that rug.
Please just to burn me up, do whatever with the ashes, and then drink heavily in a very sunny place, preferrably with beach. Or barring the burning, if we can arrange for me to be "recycled" that would be even better. Take me out to sea, throw me in, and wait for the sharks. I could eventually be shark poo! I'm probably much healthier fodder than what those wily sharks/fishies are eating now. I eat organically (nicely marbled), exercise regularly (plenty of muscle flesh to gnaw on), big ol' brain just bursting with fat and protein, and lovely hard bones to crack. And then have a big party with Eddie Izzard and laugh 'til your knees drop off.
Yea.. that sounds about right.
*isn't there some statistic that notes most accidents happen within 10 miles of your home**
** Steven Wright comments wryly that given that information, you should move
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3 comments:
or maybe i could just be stuffed with you in a pose of satiated repose. parents would LOVE that...
stuffed.... LOL!
you might eventually turn up on eBay.
"All this flummery and rattling on and on about what a delightful and amazing person I was during my life. How I affected the lives of so many. Nope, not me. "
That's fer sure.
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